SOCIETY, AND GOING OUT IN THE WORLD
by Anon
The Girl's Own Paper (October 25, 1890)
The term "society" is explained in the dictionary as "a union of persons in one interest, fellowship"; that is, a distinct society for the furtherance of some particular object, such as converting the heathen, clothing the poor. But the society about which I am going to speak is generally understood by that term - a number of people who meet together and hold social intercourse with one another.
It would take far too long to enumerate and explain the different phases and characters of society, which differ of course according to place. But there are two kinds of society to be met with everywhere - good society and bad society; and anyone with a knowledge of right and wrong and a fair amount of common-sense cannot fail to distinguish between them.
Bad society cannot be too carefully avoided, and it is difficult to realise the vast amount of evil that is done by the frequenting of bad society.
People of bad character, but nevertheless endowed with many personal charms, attract the innocent by these charms into their society, and lead them on, till at last they discover their mistake, and struggle back with penitent, humble tears to the right road, not without serious detriment to their own characters.
These "charming ones" are the hypocrites of society.
Every period has its typical girls. I do not say that one period is better or worse than
another, but merely that the girl of today leaves much to be desired.
In olden times the outward behaviour, at least, was modest and retiring, assuming a quiet dignity towards the other sex which well became the girls; but in these days we look upon a very different picture. Girls nowadays have far more liberty than they had in olden times; they assume a familiarity and forwardness which is most objectionable; they are loud and boisterous without being amusing and, above all, their conceit leads them into all manner of troubles.
Girls are so often anxious to appear well-read and well-versed upon every topic that they happen to know absolutely nothing about, that they talk (and to men especially) upon subjects which only bring down their neighbours’ ridicule upon their heads. There is a great difference between talking to men upon their own subjects, and talking about things which girls should be ashamed even to think of; but they are so often anxious to show off, to appear to advantage, that they are led (I put it strongly) to try and adopt men s habits, and to behave in as disgraceful a manner as they can, and in the end they only bring down men's censure instead of the approbation they expect. This type is, I fear, becoming a rapidly common and recognised one.
Alas! that such things should be. Alas! that Christian England's society should produce such characters.
Verily there is great need for reform; and do not let me astonish my readers when I. say that it is within the power of every girl to do a share of this great work.
It may be done quietly and unostentatiously, and though she may not herself see the effects, they will remain. A quiet, gentle manner; an unselfish and thoughtful manner of dealing with people; strict adherence to the dictates of conscience in spite of ridicule and censure; avoidance of that everlasting "tittle-tattle" concerning neighbours; bravery to speak up boldly for the absent; and, above all, unbounded charity. All these are means and ways of promoting a reform, and far surer ones than writing against or ranting on platforms against the abuses of society. If every girl were to practise these virtues she would not go far wrong, and certainly society would be eternally benefited thereby, and become more akin to that description in the dictionary relating to an ideal society - "a union of persons in one interest and fellowship."
And now a few words of advice to girls going into the world.
You have just left school; you have seen nothing of the world, perhaps, and are come home in order to go amongst people. You are going what is commonly called "out" into the world. It is a new, unknown, and vast world to you, full of new dangers, troubles, difficulties, and temptations; and you will do well to pause a moment and consider these few remarks.
First of all, do not expect too much. By that I mean, do not expect to find ideal men and women, or you will be bitterly disappointed.
Secondly, never suspect anyone unless you have good reason to do so; but never get into the habit of placing implicit trust in everyone you meet. Girls are often perplexed about this matter. They say, "I am not to suspect, and I am not blindly to trust - what, then, am I to do?" Simply this. When you meet a fresh person do not begin and say to yourself "Oh, dear, I can’t make out so-and-so a bit; I do not know whether to trust her or not"; but say rather, "Here is a fellow creature with whom I have to deal as I should like her to deal with me." Leave all other doubts and perplexities alone, and you will soon find that it will not be long before her true character is revealed.
A striking character of the present day is the bitter cynicism affected especially by young people, and it seems to have grown up in this way.
Many grown-up men and women are cynical and indifferent to life because it has become bitter to them through sorrow and suffering; and young folk who like to ape their elders think it makes them attractive to affect a cynical and morose air, which soon grows into a habit, till they really become what before they only affected.
There is nothing so sad as to see girls looking upon life, which ought to be so bright and sunny for them, in a discontented and morose spirit, laughing at the natural instincts of affection and at innocent amusements. From this affectation I would warn all to flee as from a deadly plague.
I sincerely hope these few remarks will be useful to girls, especially to those who perhaps have no one to give them a kindly hint before stepping into the busy world. No, I do not advise them to shun it - rather let them step bravely forward into it, and take there the
place that God gives them, and help their weaker sisters along the right path.
They can do infinitely more good in the world, to make it brighter, and happier, and better, by going bravely into it (this is often forgotten), by facing all obstacles with a firm determination to overcome them, than by voluntarily shunning all their fellow-creatures and shutting themselves out from their sympathies, and deliberately quitting the place which God has appointed for them. Do they think for a moment that He will accept a service which begins by disobedience, goes on in selfishness (for they have no one but themselves to think of), and ends in - what? Certainly not in the consciousness of having benefited anyone, but in the thought, "I have wasted my life, which otherwise might have been so bright and useful." There are many reasons why people absent themselves from the society of their fellow-creatures: here are two.
First, because they fail to shine there. There are many girls whose one aim and object is to shine in society, to attract all notice to themselves, which shows a vain and conceited mind.
But again, there are people who certainly do not seem to "get on" in society. Now if girls went into society with the sole aim of being courteous, cheerful, willing to do what they are asked, they would not fail to gain firm friends.
Secondly (as a saintly writer says), because they feel indifference and contempt for their neighbours. We are told to love uor neighbour as ourselves; therefore, in token that we love him we must not avoid being with him. And very often people unconsciously shun society; by degrees they drop people, a call is left unreturned, they fail to ask people to their house, little social amenities are neglected, and at length they find themselves with hardly any friends, which is not surprising considering the way these friends have been neglected.
Every single person in the world has some kind of social duties and responsibilities for the fulfilment of which they will have to answer hereafter.
Lastly, and above all, Be natural.
Let me once more quote the words of the writer before mentioned -
"Simplicity, gentleness, and modesty are to be desired in all society; there are some people who are so full of affectation in whatever they do, that every one is annoyed by them. A man who could not move without counting his steps, or speak without singing, would be very tiresome to everybody; and just so anyone who is artificial in all he does spoils the pleasures of society. Moreover, such people are generally more or less self-conceited."
A quiet cheerfulness should be your aim in society. "Rejoice in the Lord alway, and let your moderation be known unto all men." And if you would rejoice in the Lord, your joy must not only be lawful but worthy; and remember this, there are lawful things which are not good - you must avoid all that is impertinent and uncivil. Depreciating this person, slandering another, stimulating the folly of a third, however amusing to some people, are foolish and wicked.
"HELIOTROPE."